Home AR-15 "AUSTRALIA'S DEADLIEST ANIMALS" – SONG

"AUSTRALIA'S DEADLIEST ANIMALS" – SONG

By
Van Vuuren Bros
-
1256
45

A song about all the wonderful things that Australia has to offer.

FULL CREDITS BELOW:
Written and Performed by Christiaan Van Vuuren.
Animated by Connor Van Vuuren.
Recorded and Mixed by Alex Mills at Song Zu.
Backing Track is ‘Payday’ by Jason Farnham:

FULL LYRICS BELOW:

VERSE 1:
In Australia we’ve got deadly animals a plenty.
We’ve got funnel web spiders who’ll murder you and your family.
Under every second rock is a red back spider.
And they’ll kill ya just cause, I dunno, they’re bored or whatever.

We got invisible brown snakes who’ll bite you on the foot,
And you’ll be dead in seven minutes, like that, kaput.
We’ve got the world’s deadliest creatures all over the place.
We’ve got magpies who’ll steal the eyeballs from your face –

But at least we don’t have AR-15’s.

VERSE 2:
We’ve got great white sharks who’ll ascend from the deep,
And rip ya in half with their razor sharp teeth.
We’ve got salt water crocs who’ll death-roll you to death,
and sea-snakes who’ll gladly snatch your last breath. 

We’ve got a blue ringed octopus no bigger than this,
that just sits around in rock pools waiting to kill kids.
And even the platypus, a cute beaver-duck thing,
has got a spur on it’s ankle that’ll kill ya in one sting. 

But at least we don’t have AR-15’s.
And at least they can’t end up in the hands of psychopathic teens.

VERSE 3:
We’ve got stonefish and stingrays and sea-urchins and shit,
and hectic fucken homicidal box jellyfish,
and these Jellyfish they aren’t even sentient beings,
they don’t even really do stuff or know about things. 

They just float around on the whim of the currents,
being pointless non-cognitive murderous cunts.
And if that weren’t enough in terms of natural hazards,
here in Australia the sun causes cancer.

But at least we don’t have AR-15’s.
And at least they can’t end up in the hands of suicidal teens.
And at least we don’t have an NRA, who pay millions of dollars every day, buying off politicians not to change old laws.

VERSE 4:
We got bull sharks, cone shells, salt water crocodiles.
Honey bees, european wasps, and blue ringed octopi’s.
Death adders, blue bottles, red back spiders.
Tiger sharks, tiger snakes, and lizards that’ll bite ya. 

We got Sea snakes, taipans, cassowaries, copperheads,
all the creatures of the land and sky and sea that want you dead.
Toadfish, stonefish, irukandgi jellyfish –
Bull ants, centipedes, and ticks that cause paralysis. 

But thank fuck we don’t have AR-15’s.
And thank fuck they can’t end up in the hands psychopathic suicidal teens. And thank fuck we don’t have an NRA, who pay millions of dollars every day, buying off politicians not to change some law. 

A law that was written 200 years ago,
in a time when it took three minutes to reload,
a single round of ammunition, and we knew nothing about depression,
and you couldn’t fire 45 rounds in sixty seconds.

And there wasn’t even such a thing as automatic weapons.
And there weren’t thirty one mass-shootings monthly…
but what would I know cause I’m from another country.

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45 COMMENTS

  1. Hey guys!

    Some people have rightly pointed out that we got a few facts in the video wrong, or some things might be slightly exaggerated, so just wanted to clarify a few things:

    – Funnel Web Spiders lack the dexterity and strength to carry knives, and there's never been a case of a Funnel Web killing an entire family.

    – Blue Ringed Octopi don't just sit around in rock pools waiting to kill kids, they also do whatever else Octopi like to do.

    – Red Back Spiders aren't under every second rock, and they don't bite you because they're bored, they probably do it because they're pissed off about some shit, or scared.

    – Despite the fact that a Magpie will swoop the shit out of you, there's never been a case of a Magpie stealing the eyeball of a happy singing man. Also, Magpies don't have abs.

    – Brown Snakes aren't invisible, they're just hard to see on brown ground or in brown leaves. I think brown ground is more commonly known as dirt.

    – There's no evidence that sea snakes take pleasure in killing people.

    – A platypus is not a beaver-duck thing, scientifically speaking.

    – Stingrays don't wear Universal Solider style cyborg eye-pieces.

    – Copperhead snakes don't wear reflective aviators.

    – Box Jellyfish don't go to counselling and there's never been a single one charged for murder.

    – Both Tiger Sharks and Tiger Snakes don't have actual tiger heads.

    – Most Bull sharks don't have nose rings.

    – There are no lizards with a mouth inside a mouth inside a mouth.

    – Taipans don't look Thai, or any kind of Asian whatsoever.

    – Irukandji Jellyfish are not actually made of dangerous radioactive material.

    – Drop bears are a real hectic deadly thing that we forgot to include.

    That about covers it.

    Sorry, and thanks for understanding.
    Van Vuuren Bros

  3. Despite all of those nasty creatures, Australia has the highest life expectancy in the Anglosphere, and considering how aussie really are, that means a happy life last longer, it doesn't matter how deadly the widlife is.

  36. I feel so inadequate we only have four things on out property that will kill you -Brown snake, copperhead, Yowies and drop bears. And one that will give you a stint in hospital – red back spiders

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